NYE 2016: The day the Hubs snapped Crazy by Ashford - December 31, 20162 “HEY!!!! THIS ISN’T YOUR PLAYGROUND!! GET OFF OF HERE OR I’M GOING TO SEND YOU A BILL FOR THE DAMAGE!!!” It was Christmas morning and my husband was out on the golf course with Meeny teaching him how to drive his brand new RC car. To be fair they weren't causing any damage- they were only making tracks in the dew. He tried to be nice at first but the onslaught continued. “WHERE DO YOU LIVE????” the voice bellowed from the porch across the course. Finally the Hubs had had enough. He snapped. He forgot who he was and where he was and who he was with (and the example he was setting). “MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU TOO! WHY DON’T YOU MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!!!”
Six Little Words Crazy by Ashford - December 27, 20164 I thought I was over it. In fact, I was sure of it. We’ve been living with impending doom hanging over our heads for a little over a year now. To the point that I thought it had no power anymore. But with those six words…. “Hey I got a call from….” and then he paused. And in that millisecond pause I saw it all. I saw the bad results. I saw the next round of chemo. I saw the long road down. I even saw his funeral. I saw myself struggling to raise our 3 children as a widow. I saw it all. “The credit card company- there’s a fraud alert on our card can you call them?” And I almost collapsed in
The halfway Christmas Crazy by Ashford - December 6, 20162 The lights were halfway up for weeks The garland still ain't done I'm losing hope It'll all be hung Before January one We got our tree from the tree farm Just outside of town Too bad that after just one week The star is falling down Half the presents have been bought And none of them are wrapped I hesitate to say it But by Christmas I'll have snapped The mail ain't even opened Too many Christmas cards to read The kids all have their programs And a drink is what I need We gotta take some pics with santa And read him all our lists And wear our matching outfits No matter how much they resist There are cookies to be baked And light shows to go see We almost missed the live nativity 'Cuz someone had to pee We try to teach our
The house where animals go to die Crazy by Ashford - November 21, 20160 As most kids do mine have a penchant for animals. Alive OR dead. It started as an obsession with bugs which I now realize was the gateway drug to a much bigger problem. At one point I had no less than 7 Mason jars arranged across my kitchen counter housing different species of bugs. Like any good mom we researched (ie googled) how to care for each individual species. Turns out I have a knack for ladybugs and was able to keep a hoard of them alive for about 3 months. Sadly for every other living thing that enters my house it’s just a matter of time. We have inadvertently killed fireflies, caterpillars, worms, frogs, fish, grasshoppers, and one crawfish. We have
Finding the humor in cancer Crazy by Ashford - October 31, 2016October 30, 20160 “I have to take a fecal sample to the hospital- which Tupperware container can I use?” I blinked twice having to re-read the text message multiple times before full computing what it said. I was in a business lunch of course and immediately excused myself into the empty conference room next door to quickly call him before he crapped in my favorite lunch container. “Babe!!! Get out of my cabinets right now and drive to the family doctor to get a specimen container!” “But these ziplock containers look great they even have screw on lids.” “I USE THOSE EVERYDAY FOR MY LUNCH! EVERYDAY!! GET OUT OF MY CABINETS!!!” He refused to drive 10 minutes down the road to get a specimen cup from the doctor
Why I’m throwing out the last thing my grandmother ever gave me. Crazy by Ashford - October 17, 2016October 15, 20161 She was a “Proper Southern Lady” if there ever was one. Never leaving her dressing room without her girdle fastened tight, her hair coiffed perfectly, and a brooch secured expertly to her dress. That was the other thing- she always wore dresses. I don’t think she even owned a pair of slacks and I quite distinctly remember the Sunday dinner my sister wore white pants and she pulled her aside whispering “I’ll pray for you” in her ear as she disapprovingly looked her up and down. She had a lot of rules. No bare shoulders on Sundays, ALWAYS send a thank you note, children should not speak unless spoken to and so forth and so on. She demanded the best behavior
**Family Update: What the heck has been going on?** Family Matters by Ashford - October 11, 20167 This isn’t a blog post, an essay, or a funny story. I feel the need to say this because I have a lot of followers for a lot of different reasons. This started out as a way for friends and family to follow my crazy stories and somehow it snowballed into this big awesome thing. In fact most of you follow me simply because that one time I rubbed a urinal cake all over my face before I realized what it was (and I’m glad to have you all here). But if you don’t know me and aren't invested in my story or my family feel free to dip out of this post. All this post is going to be
Hurricane Season Crazy by Ashford - October 3, 2016October 2, 20161 I was 9 years old when Hurricane Hugo ripped through South Carolina leaving nothing but destruction in its wake. It was the first hurricane I had lived through and I slept huddled in a ball at the foot of my parents bed as our house shook with the violent winds. I remember being afraid that I was going to die, that everything was falling down around me, and that no one was safe. We made it through the storm and we were lucky. There was no major damage to speak of to our house or our neighborhood. Now I’ve lived through countless hurricanes, a few tornadoes, and an earthquake. Now I know what to do when the weatherman starts warning us. I
Minimizing the crazy: Get organized Crazy by Ashford - September 21, 20160 Today I posted a picture on FB with my To Do list and a confession that sometimes I purposefully add items to the list that I have already completed just so that I can cross them off. It really helps my self esteem to have several items already crossed off. Shortly after I posted the picture I was inundated with PMs and comments requesting that I email out my To Do template. I created this 8x11 sheet myself and it breaks down everything into different categories (emails, calls, bills, errands, most important, etc). Well, rather than spend an hour and a half emailing the template out to everyone individually I figured I would just post it up on the site and let
The watermark always rises Family Matters by Ashford - September 12, 2016September 10, 20168 “I hope you don’t ever get a chronic health condition,” I snarled at him. “I could never take care of you.” And I meant it. We were 12 days into a chronic sinus infection, had our first child who was only 15 weeks old, and had just opened a business. I was in that sleep-deprived “what the heck do I do with this baby” place and my husband was laid up in bed like he had ebola. But life is all about expanding your threshold isn't it? Now, 6 years, 2 more children, and one cancer diagnosis later I find myself doing the very thing I swore I couldn’t withstand. My husband is a boat dealer and I've always kind of had a thing for
