**Family Update: What the heck has been going on?** Family Matters by Ashford - October 11, 20167 This isn’t a blog post, an essay, or a funny story. I feel the need to say this because I have a lot of followers for a lot of different reasons. This started out as a way for friends and family to follow my crazy stories and somehow it snowballed into this big awesome thing. In fact most of you follow me simply because that one time I rubbed a urinal cake all over my face before I realized what it was (and I’m glad to have you all here). But if you don’t know me and aren't invested in my story or my family feel free to dip out of this post. All this post is going to be
The watermark always rises Family Matters by Ashford - September 12, 2016September 10, 20168 “I hope you don’t ever get a chronic health condition,” I snarled at him. “I could never take care of you.” And I meant it. We were 12 days into a chronic sinus infection, had our first child who was only 15 weeks old, and had just opened a business. I was in that sleep-deprived “what the heck do I do with this baby” place and my husband was laid up in bed like he had ebola. But life is all about expanding your threshold isn't it? Now, 6 years, 2 more children, and one cancer diagnosis later I find myself doing the very thing I swore I couldn’t withstand. My husband is a boat dealer and I've always kind of had a thing for
Why I’m not praying for a clear PET scan Family Matters by Ashford - July 19, 20163 Today is my husband’s routine PET scan and I'm not praying for good results. He was diagnosed with stage 3 Melanoma this time last year and man have we been through it. For those of you who aren't aware - he went through multiple surgeries and a particular devastating round of chemo. Now the phrase “round of chemo” can mean a lot of things to a lot of people (as can the word “devastating”). But in our case he endured 19 doses in 24 days administered by IV. At that point he switched to injections that were supposed to be given 3 times a week. The entire regimen was supposed to last 52 weeks, a full year. He made it through 7. At the point they
Dirty words and life lessons Family Matters by Ashford - July 7, 20160 We spend a fair amount of time in our house discussing the difference between “good” and “bad” words. My kids are little at 6, 4, and 1 and so I still have a large amount of control in this arena. Most of our bad words are pretty tame. We have the usual suspects like “stupid”, “jerk”, and “loser.” But I feel like we have a pretty good handle on it. For example, my kids still believe that “hate” is a bad word not to be spoken. This isn’t to say we don’t have the occasional big time f-bomb but for the most part it remains largely under control. That is until 2 weeks ago when I was introduced to some new,
Telling your children you have cancer Family Matters by Ashford - June 17, 2016June 14, 20161 “Daddy has cancer.” For 3 months these words were balled up in my throat making it impossible to breathe, to speak. For 3 months every time I looked at my children's faces I could feel them rising up like vomit that I had to force back down. The tears welled up in my eyes as I imagined the impending “talk” we couldn’t avoid. They knew something was wrong. Of course they knew. He had been through 2 surgeries and we had been gone countless days visiting specialists out of town. They’re smarter than I give them credit. The undercurrent in our house was tense and uncomfortable with the unspoken words. But saying it out loud was more than I could handle. We planned
Taking back the cheese drawer. Taking back my life. Family Matters by Ashford - March 21, 2016March 21, 20165 I love cheese. I love all kinds of cheese. Stinky cheese, expensive cheese, squirt cheese (which isn’t really even cheese). Six months ago I emptied out my cheese drawer and filled it with boxes of chemotherapy. A drug that I was to inject into my husband’s belly 3 times a week. I hate chemotherapy. I hate the side effects, I hate the emotions, I hate the mental battle it is to inject someone you love with something you know darn well is poisonous. I hate watching him suffer. So many of you have been following our story over the past several months. You know that 8 months ago our world got rocked when the hubs was diagnosed with Stage 3 Melanoma. (If
My confession Family Matters by Ashford - February 8, 2016February 7, 20162 I feel like I need to address something with all of you, my readers. I need to set the record straight. After a recent post I received countless emails, texts, comments, and messages declaring my bravery and my strength. And although I truly appreciate these heartfelt sentiments there is something I need to confess… I am not strong. No, I am not. In fact, I believe I may be the antithesis of strength. I struggled, I cried, I broke. I barely made it through. I clawed my way through each day- each moment. And somehow found myself standing here. On the other side. No. I am not strong but there is strength all around me. My God is strong. He provided for me in ways
Walking through the valley Family Matters by Ashford - February 1, 2016January 30, 20161 It’s the little things that clue you in- the nuances. No one ever said to me “this is an emergency this is dangerous” but somehow I knew. It was when the nurse insisted that he sit in a wheelchair. When she didn’t ask him to step onto the scale to do a weight check. When she left the exam room door opened and casually pointed out the call button on the wall. These were the things that made my heart start to pound and my senses heighten. It was when the doctor ordered a head CT and a chest x-ray that sent me grappling through my purse to find a discarded pill bottle of xanax because I knew- somehow I
Embracing the crazy. Merry Christmas. Family Matters by Ashford - December 22, 20152 I haven’t written a Christmas letter in several years and wasn’t planning to this year either. However, as you open our card I think you will begin to see that this letter is just begging to be written. There are stories waiting to be told. 1. The Family Picture At some point in life you just have to stop fighting it and simply embrace the crazy. With three small children (Eeny 6, Meeny 4, and Miny 19 months) we simply have no choice. There is a backstory with this photo. We had the best laid plans to have a professional photographer come out and shoot a session with us. Alas, the scheduled morning brought with it torrential rains and historic floods that not only
Ring my bell Family Matters by Ashford - October 30, 201510 Today marks the end of a large part of our battle. Today he gets his last dose of IV chemotherapy. Today he gets to ring the bell that signifies the passage to the next part of the journey. That bell hangs on the wall across the room. I have been staring at that bell for an entire month. I have watched so many others take their turn all the while longing for it to be his. I have clapped, cheered, and eaten cupcakes in celebration of their journeys. I have rejoiced with them in earnest sincerity. But today….today is finally HIS day. This man who has endured unimaginable suffering without ever uttering a single complaint. This man who received 19 doses of
