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Crazy

The house where animals go to die

by Ashford - 0

As most kids do mine have a penchant for animals. Alive OR dead. It started as an obsession with bugs which I now realize was the gateway drug to a much bigger problem. At one point I had no less than 7 Mason jars arranged across my kitchen counter housing different species of bugs. Like any good mom we researched (ie googled) how to care for each individual species. Turns out I have a knack for ladybugs and was able to keep a hoard of them alive for about 3 months. Sadly for every other living thing that enters my house it’s just a matter of time. We have inadvertently killed fireflies, caterpillars, worms, frogs, fish, grasshoppers, and one crawfish. We have

Finding the humor in cancer

by Ashford - 0

“I have to take a fecal sample to the hospital- which Tupperware container can I use?” I blinked twice having to re-read the text message multiple times before full computing what it said. I was in a business lunch of course and immediately excused myself into the empty conference room next door to quickly call him before he crapped in my favorite lunch container. “Babe!!! Get out of my cabinets right now and drive to the family doctor to get a specimen container!” “But these ziplock containers look great they even have screw on lids.” “I USE THOSE EVERYDAY FOR MY LUNCH! EVERYDAY!! GET OUT OF MY CABINETS!!!” He refused to drive 10 minutes down the road to get a specimen cup from the doctor

Why I’m throwing out the last thing my grandmother ever gave me.

by Ashford - 1

She was a “Proper Southern Lady” if there ever was one. Never leaving her dressing room without her girdle fastened tight, her hair coiffed perfectly, and a brooch secured expertly to her dress. That was the other thing- she always wore dresses. I don’t think she even owned a pair of slacks and I quite distinctly remember the Sunday dinner my sister wore white pants and she pulled her aside whispering “I’ll pray for you” in her ear as she disapprovingly looked her up and down. She had a lot of rules. No bare shoulders on Sundays, ALWAYS send a thank you note, children should not speak unless spoken to and so forth and so on. She demanded the best behavior

Hurricane Season

by Ashford - 1

I was 9 years old when Hurricane Hugo ripped through South Carolina leaving nothing but destruction in its wake. It was the first hurricane I had lived through and I slept huddled in a ball at the foot of my parents bed as our house shook with the violent winds. I remember being afraid that I was going to die, that everything was falling down around me, and that no one was safe. We made it through the storm and we were lucky. There was no major damage to speak of to our house or our neighborhood. Now I’ve lived through countless hurricanes, a few tornadoes, and an earthquake. Now I know what to do when the weatherman starts warning us. I

Minimizing the crazy: Get organized

by Ashford - 0

Today I posted a picture on FB with my To Do list and a confession that sometimes I purposefully add items to the list that I have already completed just so that I can cross them off. It really helps my self esteem to have several items already crossed off. Shortly after I posted the picture I was inundated with PMs and comments requesting that I email out my To Do template. I created this 8x11 sheet myself and it breaks down everything into different categories (emails, calls, bills, errands, most important, etc). Well, rather than spend an hour and a half emailing the template out to everyone individually I figured I would just post it up on the site and let

The weird kid

by Ashford - 1

Three years ago I started blogging and posted my very first post. Of course I didn't realize this milestone until FB Memories reminded me. I'm on my second website and what a journey it's been. In honor of this milestone I am reposting my VERY FIRST POST- you can tell that my life has always been chock full of rich material. Thank you for reading, following, and sharing. Love to you all. ************ [Posted September 9, 2013 on a now defunct website.] Do you ever worry that YOUR kid might just be the WEIRD kid at school? I’m not talking about the “march to the beat of her own drum” type weird. I’m talking “the smelly kid who stands in the corner alone

Kids are disgusting: The WORST parenting story you’ll ever read

by Ashford - 45

I opened the door and was greeted by deafening silence. Heavenly, rare, deafening silence. It was one of those rare occasions where the hubs and I were ships passing in the night. I was returning home late from a business meeting, he had left in the early afternoon for a boys’ fishing trip. We had bartered and begged and delegated the children to different friends and family scattered throughout the town in order to cover the 6 hours in which neither of us would be in town. And so what I came home to after a long delayed flight and subsequent 2 hour drive from the airport was sweet sweet silence and an empty house. I took my time unloading my suitcase from

Meet the Teacher AKA The Night From Hell

by Ashford - 6

So we’re comin’ in hot to “Meet the Teacher” night from a week at the beach because what else would prime you to the point of combustion than a 3 hour drive with 3 exhausted kids, 2 exhausted parents, and one large dog? The baby has pissed in his car seat because quite frankly when we stopped at the McDonalds we totally forgot to take him to the bathroom. I mean we were a tad distracted with the 5 year old who beelined to the playground and the 7 year old who had an absolute meltdown because the toy offered in the Happy Meal was no longer from “The Secret Life of Pets” and “HOW AM I GONNA FINISH MY

Day 2: Alicetown, Bimini

by Ashford - 0

We are awoken at first light. It’s amazing to me that we struggle to get out of bed every morning with our alarm clocks at home but here on vacation with no alarms set we are up at sunrise. As soon as we open the cabin door we are greeted by Cheesecake asking for “an eye opener” (a beer). He reminds me of a stray animal that you made the mistake of feeding that one time and now it follows you around everywhere you go. It’s clear to me that The Gravy has become his gravy train. We oblige and give him the beer despite the fact that it’s only about 7 am and we ask him to bring us 4

Day 1: First Crossing West Palm to Bimini

by Ashford - 1

We took a trip for our 10th anniversary (also celebrating the Hub's 1 year cancerversary) by taking our 28 foot fishing boat across the Grand Banks to the Bahamas. Many have asked how our trip was so I thought I'd publish my diary entries from the week. I hope you find it even remotely as thrilling as I did. *********** We had arrived at the West Palm Marina around 9 pm on Friday night- 4 hours later than expected. We were exhausted and beaten down from the long drive and still had the task of launching the boat in an unfamiliar marina now in the dark. The marina office had long since closed so we were left to our own devices to

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