It’s not just the kids who are crazy Crazy by Ashford - December 17, 20170 I like to think that most of the crazy things that happen in my life are because of my children. That way it's their fault and not anything to do with me. They are the ones who create the chaos right? Wrong. As it turns out it's not just the kids who are crazy... So we are heading over to my best friend’s house last night for a little Christmas shindig and my husband is driving. Let’s just say patience is one of his “development areas” (as my old boss used to put it). We were not late, not expected to be there at a certain time, and not in a hurry. Nevertheless at the stoplight waiting to turn left he decided
PTSD and Me Crazy by Ashford - December 8, 20172 By July I had started to shed some of the extra 35 pounds I had put on over the past two years. By September I was weaning my kids off the frozen corn dogs and pizzas they had been subsisting on for longer than I care to admit. I had started cooking real actual food again. By October I had quit my job of over 10 years to embark on a new journey with a new company. And now it’s December and I am beginning to remember what it’s like to actually live again. Not just to survive. I am learning the difference between acceptance and contentment and I am enjoying the latter for the first time in a long time. When
Why Halloween made me hate my new neighbors. Crazy by Ashford - October 22, 20174 Soooooo we got some new neighbors. And boy are they cute. And young. And newlyweds. I think you can see where this is going… At first we were able to bond over our similar interests of grilling and fishing but then we started noticing strange things. For example, in the mornings when I drag myself out to the end of the driveway in my bathrobe, bed head, and no makeup to put the kids on the bus I have started seeing them. Awake. In gym clothes. Both walking their twin huskies AT 6:15 IN THE DANG MORNING!! “Something seems off about them,” I think to myself. THEN one Saturday evening as my husband and I sat in the driveway having probably one of
The Imaginary Friend that Wasn’t Crazy by Ashford - September 14, 20170 I always thought it would be cute if one of my kids had an imaginary friend. I never had one nor did anyone I know. But having been raised on movies like “Drop Dead Fred” I always kind of hoped somebody would. How cute would it be that they blame things on someone who isn’t even real. How fun to set an extra place for the “friend” and to read said “friend” bedtime stories. I always thought it would be fun. Until one fateful Sunday when I left the house with no imaginary friend only to return 2 hours and one nap later to a tearful 3 YO asking “Where is Wubby????” I wracked my brain trying to remember which stuffed animal was named
The Epi-Pencident Crazy by Ashford - July 6, 20172 Last year I had the pleasure (*wink wink*) of being the “Team Mom” for my daughter’s cheerleading team. What this lofty position entails is a lot of relaying of messages, but also bathroom trips, bow straightening, hand holding, conflict resolution, tear wiping, and general “momming”. I even have an awesome t-shirt that reads “Don’t make me use my team mom voice” if you catch my drift. Well out of the 27 kids I was responsible for one of them had a severe peanut allergy and so my other duty was to carry around her Epi-pen just in case. After one of our competitions I forgot to return the Epi-pen to her mom but we spoke and she assured me it would
Country mouse come to town Crazy by Ashford - June 13, 20173 It’s no secret that I am a southern girl (a “belle” if you will). And it probably won’t come as any surprise that I strongly dislike cities. Also by cities I mean Charlotte, Atlanta, and Charleston. I feel like the country mouse come to town. Heaven forbid I ever end up in a really big city. I visited NYC once for a week and I kid you not I had vertigo the entire week because the buildings were too tall. I have to go to Philadelphia often for work and I still can’t break myself of the habit of speaking to random strangers and striking up conversations. Needless to say these usually remain one-sided conversations as I guess people “don’t do
Scan day: Taking control back Crazy by Ashford - May 22, 20179 I never wear jewelry. Who has the time for accessorizing when there’s so many other things to be dealt with? But today I look in the mirror and put in the fancy-dangly earrings I bought myself some months back. My outfit is on point, my makeup is perfection, I’ve styled my hair, and yes- I’m even putting on jewelry. Not just earrings but the necklace and bracelet to match. You see even if I feel like the whole world could fall apart at any moment I can still look put together. In fact, it’s somewhat soothing to know I can still get dressed and accessorize and look normal. I can look like any other woman on the street going about her normal
The Olan Mills Generation Crazy by Ashford - May 12, 20172 I am a part of the Olan Mills generation. You know what I’m talking about right? Where every year we had to dress up in our Sunday best and make our way to the tiny studio downtown studio for our annual family photo. We snuggled bunnies on the brown shag carpet, sat in white wicker chairs, and smiled sweetly in front of the bookshelf backdrop. Each time my mother would collect her “free 8x10 family photo” without purchasing any others and we would leave. (On a side note my mother still proudly displays all of those 8x10s in her house.) So as I grew up and started my own family I continued the tradition. Only now there is no Olan Mills
How NOT to handle the Birds and the Bees talk Crazy by Ashford - May 3, 20170 It's important to have the discussion beforehand about how you will handle questions regarding anatomy- aka "The Birds and the Bees" talk. This prevents you from being caught unprepared and having to answer "on the fly"- which of course exponentially increases your chances of saying something stupid. Case in point.... Meeny was born when Eeny was just 2 years old. So of course there were lots of questions regarding breastfeeding (she referred to my boobs as "baby food” for years). However, the questions were not the greatest source of concern. Eeny quickly realized that while I was nursing the baby I was basically incapacitated and found that this was an excellent time to get into mischief. One particular afternoon as I was [chained
I am a Suburban Slumlord Crazy by Ashford - April 18, 20173 “If I dropped a dollar bill on the floor in our house I wouldn’t even pick it up,” my husband said only halfway joking. He says the floors are too dirty to warrant the risk of retrieving the dollar. And it’s probably half true. With three small (feral) children and three dogs I am basically a suburban slumlord. I was raised in a pristine house. Everything had it’s place and by God everything was in it’s place. The countertops and floors sparkled and there was no question that it was safe to eat off the floor. My house always looked like a magazine shoot for Southern Living. Even when we had kids in the house. Of course since I was raised
