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Month: October 2016

Finding the humor in cancer

by Ashford - 0

“I have to take a fecal sample to the hospital- which Tupperware container can I use?” I blinked twice having to re-read the text message multiple times before full computing what it said. I was in a business lunch of course and immediately excused myself into the empty conference room next door to quickly call him before he crapped in my favorite lunch container. “Babe!!! Get out of my cabinets right now and drive to the family doctor to get a specimen container!” “But these ziplock containers look great they even have screw on lids.” “I USE THOSE EVERYDAY FOR MY LUNCH! EVERYDAY!! GET OUT OF MY CABINETS!!!” He refused to drive 10 minutes down the road to get a specimen cup from the doctor

Why I’m throwing out the last thing my grandmother ever gave me.

by Ashford - 1

She was a “Proper Southern Lady” if there ever was one. Never leaving her dressing room without her girdle fastened tight, her hair coiffed perfectly, and a brooch secured expertly to her dress. That was the other thing- she always wore dresses. I don’t think she even owned a pair of slacks and I quite distinctly remember the Sunday dinner my sister wore white pants and she pulled her aside whispering “I’ll pray for you” in her ear as she disapprovingly looked her up and down. She had a lot of rules. No bare shoulders on Sundays, ALWAYS send a thank you note, children should not speak unless spoken to and so forth and so on. She demanded the best behavior

**Family Update: What the heck has been going on?**

by Ashford - 7

This isn’t a blog post, an essay, or a funny story. I feel the need to say this because I have a lot of followers for a lot of different reasons. This started out as a way for friends and family to follow my crazy stories and somehow it snowballed into this big awesome thing. In fact most of you follow me simply because that one time I rubbed a urinal cake all over my face before I realized what it was (and I’m glad to have you all here). But if you don’t know me and aren't invested in my story or my family feel free to dip out of this post. All this post is going to be

Hurricane Season

by Ashford - 1

I was 9 years old when Hurricane Hugo ripped through South Carolina leaving nothing but destruction in its wake. It was the first hurricane I had lived through and I slept huddled in a ball at the foot of my parents bed as our house shook with the violent winds. I remember being afraid that I was going to die, that everything was falling down around me, and that no one was safe. We made it through the storm and we were lucky. There was no major damage to speak of to our house or our neighborhood. Now I’ve lived through countless hurricanes, a few tornadoes, and an earthquake. Now I know what to do when the weatherman starts warning us. I

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