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I am a Suburban Slumlord

by Ashford - 3

“If I dropped a dollar bill on the floor in our house I wouldn’t even pick it up,” my husband said only halfway joking. He says the floors are too dirty to warrant the risk of retrieving the dollar. And it’s probably half true. With three small (feral) children and three dogs I am basically a suburban slumlord. I was raised in a pristine house. Everything had it’s place and by God everything was in it’s place. The countertops and floors sparkled and there was no question that it was safe to eat off the floor. My house always looked like a magazine shoot for Southern Living. Even when we had kids in the house. Of course since I was raised

Getting it Dead Wrong

by Ashford - 0

A few years ago my grandmother “Gammy” passed away. Thinking about her also leads me to think about one of my not-so-shining moments in parenthood. You see, her death was the first death that my children would experience. Her funeral would be the first funeral they had ever attended. Now Meeny was just 1 so I wasn’t worried about him at all but Eeny was 3 and I felt the need to explain things to her. The funeral would be open casket and I didn’t want her to be frightened or confused.  The night before the funeral as I was putting Eeny to bed I pulled her close to me and began explaining. “Baby, you remember Gammy right?” “Yes Mommy.” “Well, Gammy died and went to Heaven

You Can Only Touch Your Own Nipples!!!

by Ashford - 4

It’s not uncommon to witness my 4 YO playing with his toys and see him pick up an object, say a block, smack himself in the forehead with it and then return it to it’s place. He will then pick up another object, for example a stuffed animal, smack himself in the head with it and then immediately hurl it across the room. Is this just kids being weird? No. No it’s not. It’s my 4 YO employing one of the weirdest rules we have in my house. Here’s how it goes: Before you throw something in the house you must first hit yourself in the head with it. If it hurts, it is not an acceptable object to throw. You see, kids

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