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Month: May 2016

We all fight the undertow

by Ashford - 11

  I sat on the beach with the wind whipping my hair into me eyes. The waves were much bigger than they should’ve been and I should’ve been keeping a closer eye on the children in the water. I just couldn’t bring myself to watch them. Instead, I was watching the family next to us. They were laughing and drinking and their daughter was building a sand castle.   I didn’t mean to begrudge their happiness but I couldn’t help but be jealous - resentful even. My mind was swirling with the news we had received just hours before that my husband’s cancer had spread. He would have to undergo a year of chemo- that he had a 60-70% survival rate for the

My baby was too fat to breathe (Part 2)

by Ashford - 1

Existing in the NICU is a surreal experience. You know the world is continuing to spin and people are living their lives like normal. But your world stops. Your world is confined to a unit on a hospital floor. Your only interactions are the nurses, doctors, and the cafeteria staff. During shift changes no parents were allowed on the floor so I would wander around the hospital exploring every hallway, nook, and cranny. I learned where the free ice machine was and the hours of the coffee kiosk. After a few days I blended in with the machines and not even the nurses saw me anymore. I sat in the corner rocking my baby watching. I watched terrified parents arrive after

My baby was too fat to breathe (Part 1)

by Ashford - 0

I was just finishing my first cup of coffee when they started. That familiar tightening in my belly. Slow, steady, strong. I knew that this would be the day that we would welcome our little boy into the world. Having been through labor and delivery with my daughter I knew what to expect. I quickly jumped into the shower knowing it might be awhile before I would get this luxury again.  The contractions continued while I finished my shower and blow dried my hair. I called my husband to let him know he should probably wrap things up at work and head home. I decided to straighten my hair and apply some light makeup because pictures. When he came home we calmly packed

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