Guest post by Gina Ballentine of Stage Too
You might be a mom if…
… your car is not just a vehicle but also a movie theatre, a dining room, a dance floor, and a therapist’s office.
… your phone contains 300 blurry photos of inanimate objects your preschooler took.
… you consider showering before 10 am an accomplishment.
… you haven’t peed alone in over a year.
… there are plastic ponies, dolls, and mermaids in your shower.
… you can walk through a playroom in the dark like a Ninja, never stepping on a single toy that is scattered throughout the room.
… you find a random sock, hair bow, or googly eye in your purse.
… you grab a Capri sun for yourself to drink.
… you consider 3 chicken nuggets, 6 grapes, and a half eaten cookie a balanced meal.
… you do 3 loads of laundry every single day of the week and still cannot catch up.
… you have become an expert at doing pretty much everything with only one hand, and not even your dominant one.
… the restaurant you go to the most often has a playground attached to it.
… you consider 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep refreshing and a good night.
… when you hear someone about to throw up you instinctively reach out to catch it in your hand.
… you can carry 6 bags of groceries, an open juice box, a purse, a diaper bag, 2 dolls, and a 30 pound sleeping child in one trip without dropping a single thing.
… you check for floaters in your drink before you take a sip in case one of your kids got to it first.
… the magic of Christmas, Easter, Halloween, and Valentine’s Day has returned.
… your refrigerator also doubles as an art display.
… you know the actors in the Teen Bop magazine cover.
… you catch yourself singing “Let it Go” while at work or the grocery store.
… you just started singing “Let it Go” in your head.
… your tablet case looks like a monster, a cartoon character, or has stickers all over it.
… all the apps on your phone are for ages 3+
… you schedule your pap smear around PTA meetings, play dates, and baby-sitter availability.
… you could serve a full meal with the food that is on the floor board of your car.
… your serving wear has cartoon characters on them… even the forks.
… you go to sporting events where the star athlete scores in the opposing team’s goal more times than in their own. And they are excited when they do so.
… you look forward to the annual Spelling Bee because it is a chance for you to socialize with other adults.
… you have ever told someone “You get what you get and you don’t pitch a fit”.
… you have ever swatted blindly into your backseat while driving hoping to connect with an arm, leg, SOMETHING because of what was going on back there.
… you consider arriving 5 minutes later than scheduled as being early.
… you have ever gone through a car wash for entertainment.
… you are an expert at doing hair and nails but yours always looks like crap.
… you pee yourself a little when you sneeze/cough/laugh.
… you have several clothing items get ruined by the adhesive from stickers.
… you have rewashed the same load of clothing 4 times to try to get the desiccant completely out of the laundry from the diaper that exploded when you washed the original load.
… you are the Master at hiding things; so good, in-fact, that you forget where they are.
… you are going to reread this because this is a very accurate description of you.