So I’m having one of those days ya know?
The “It’s President’s Day and so my shower can wait just one more day” days. Not to say that we were lazy because oh holy heck we weren’t. We were up with the roosters making bacon and pancakes at the boys’ insistence and by 10 am we were itching to get out of the house.
We went to the local park and hiked, and did the nature trail, and found a maze in the woods, and found a “secret” cemetary, and threw rocks in the creek, and all the other things you do on a holiday. Well, if I were to be completely honest all the things you wish to do on a holiday- usually we just clean the house and do laundry but today was different.
We came back and had lunch, and did naps, and then headed out for errands. We found ourselves in Dick’s Sporting Goods looking for replacement bike pedals and “shoes that tie” but found neither. But after a trip to the bathroom we DID find cardboard deer targets. Now I don’t know about you but this was pretty much the best find ever. Especially since they are *almost* life sized and only $2 a pop.
We spent the next 10 minutes tramping around the store with Miny chanting “Hup 2, 3,4” and parading our deer towards the check out lines.
At one point another mom saw us and our fake deer parade and emerged from an aisle dying laughing. I did the “solidarity mom nod” to her and in an instant her laughter face turned to a weird “do I know you face”.
She looked from the boys to me (Eeny was otherwise engaged) and stuttered out. “Do you?…..Are you?…..Do you have a blog????”
And in an instant I was famous.
Now I do realize that I’m mostly famous for rubbing a urinal cake across my face but this didn’t stop my celebrity-ness.
“Oh my gosh YESSSSS!!! I’m Ashford!!!!” I said as I ran toward her and embraced her as if we were long lost friends!!!
“I follow you,” she said as she tried to disentangle herself from my hug.
And at that moment I was acutely aware of my appearance. I hadn’t showered in- oh I dunno- 3 days, I was sweaty- because there is no deodorant strong enough in the world to combat what I’ve got going on. I had no makeup on and was wearing a purple camouflage hat….as if THAT could hide me from myself.
“You probably recognized Miny and his curls not me right?” I said resignedly.
“Well, yeah,” she responded.
“Yeah that happens to me a lot. He’s pretty recognizable. Well, we’re buying cardboard deer for no apparent reason so stay tuned!!!” I said chipperly and ran off to find the boys who were in the checkout line pegging the clerks with bouncy balls that had been strategically placed just at eye level of a 2 and 5 year old.
“I’m sorry!!” I screamed as they pegged a clerk in the side of his face.
“No. It’s no problem,” he said brokenly. “It happens more times in a day than I’d like to admit. I don’t know why they put those darned balls right there.”
And then we paid for our 2 cardboard deer and left and I was high on my horse of contrived fame as the sweaty, non-makeuped, dirty mom of 2 out of control boys (and one missing girl).
And It. Was. Awesome.
I hope she’s reading and I hope she knows she made my friggin’ day.
I don’t remember your name because I was just so dang excited to be recognized that I wasn’t even listening, I hope it wasn’t too weird that I embraced you in the aisle at Dick’s even though we’ve never met, I hope you see this and laugh to yourself about that time the dirty sweaty girl with 2 deer cardboard cutouts hugged you like ya’ll were best friends.
And this is why I do what I do y’all. This.